The Secret Ingredient: Getting Out of Your Head
In Part 1 of this series, we talked about FLOPs, Forced Learning Opportunities, and how reframing perceived failures can shift us from shame to curiosity.
Today, I want to share the secret ingredient that makes FLOPs actually work: getting the problem out of your head.
You Can’t Solve a Problem While It’s Swirling in Your Head
Here’s something crucial I’ve learned working with clients with ADHD who come to me feeling like failures: you can’t solve a problem while it’s still swirling around in your head.
When we keep everything in our minds, the worry, the confusion, the overwhelm, the to-do list, the “what ifs,” the fear of failing again, it becomes a tangled mess. Thoughts loop. We catastrophize. We convince ourselves we’re failing before we even start.
Sound familiar?
The problem isn’t that you’re not smart enough or capable enough. The problem is that your brain is trying to hold too many variables at once.
Why This Matters (Especially for ADHD Brains)
ADHD brains are amazing at big-picture thinking, creativity, and making unique connections. But working memory is often a challenge.
When you try to hold all the pieces of a problem in your head at once, you’re taxing your working memory. Details get dropped. The whole thing feels impossible. And then we often label ourselves as failures.
But when you externalize, you’re offloading that cognitive load. You’re giving your brain space to actually think, and giving it a new way to think.
You’re also creating distance between you and the problem. It’s no longer “I failed.” It becomes “This situation FLOPped, and here’s what happened.”
What Happens When You Externalize
The moment you get the problem out of your head, something shifts.
You can see what’s real and what’s fear. You can spot what’s unclear. You can name what you actually need.
Externalizing transforms “I’m a failure” into “This specific thing FLOPped, and here’s what I can learn from it.”
A More Helpful Way to Work With Your Brain
In my coaching, I’m not interested in forcing your brain to push through with more willpower.
Instead, we do two things:
We make the task easier to hold. We treat ADHD like what it is: an executive function impairment that needs to be accommodated. That might mean getting clearer on what “done” looks like, breaking a task into smaller pieces, changing the environment, or putting the information where you can actually see it.
We calm the inner critic first. If your brain is saying “I’m such a failure,” it’s hard to access curiosity. So we practice shifting out of that spiral and back into a calmer, more resourceful mindset.
I sometimes compare this to eyesight. My eyes are impaired. With glasses, I can function the way I want to. ADHD is similar. When we build supports that fit your brain, things that felt impossible often become doable. That’s what we’re doing here: adding the “glasses” so the FLOP becomes workable.
If you like names for things, this approach is influenced by Cognitive Ergonomics (accommodating executive function challenges by designing supports that fit your brain) and Positive Intelligence (building the skill of shifting out of the inner-critic spiral and into a calmer, more resourceful mindset).
How to Get Out of Your Head
Here are a few simple ways to externalize a FLOP:
Write it down (paper works best). Don’t make it pretty. Just dump it out.
Talk it out. Sometimes you don’t need advice, you just need to hear yourself think.
Record a voice memo. Great when writing feels like too much.
Draw or map it. Mind maps, sticky notes, quick sketches.
A small tip that helps more than you’d think
If you’ve been working digitally, print it out.
Taking something from the digital world into the physical world can support working memory and make the intangible tangible. Seeing it on paper in your hands often creates a different kind of clarity.
Real-Life Example: The Overwhelmed To-Do List
Let’s say you’re feeling completely overwhelmed by everything you need to do and convinced you’re failing at all of it.
Staying in your head: “I have so much to do. I’ll never get it all done. I don’t even know where to start. I’m such a failure.”
Getting out of your head: You grab a piece of paper and write down every single task. Then you circle the three that are actually urgent.
Suddenly, “I’m failing at everything” becomes “I have three specific tasks to focus on today.” Still challenging, but no longer proof that you’re a failure.
That’s the power of externalizing.
There’s Another Way to Look at It
If you’ve been feeling like a failure, if you’ve been stuck in your head replaying all the ways you think you’ve messed up, I want you to know: there’s another way to look at it.
You’re not failing. Things are FLOPping. And when you get them out of your head and into the light, you can see them for what they really are: opportunities to learn, adjust, and move forward.
Your Turn
This week, practice externalizing. The next time you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or like you’re failing, don’t try to figure it out in your head.
Write it down. Talk it out. Print it out. Externalize it in a way that feels comfortable for you.
Notice what shifts when you do.
Coming up next: In Part 3, we’ll talk about one of the most common FLOPs: task avoidance, and why it’s actually giving you important information about what your brain needs.
Ready to stop feeling like a failure and start thriving? If you’re tired of trying to figure everything out alone and ready for support that actually understands how your brain works, book a free 30-minute exploratory call and let’s get you out of your head and into action.
